Big Ben

Imagine if you will, the plight of my buddy Ben Johnson. Ben is a big man! No really, I mean big! Ben weighs 525 lbs. He played high school football at 340 in Oakland and they went all state in the Fall of '79. Ben won a scholarship to a minor college to play but he soon realized that though he was big and strong, he was not very fast or quick. He got beat by little (260lbs.) guys all the time. By the time Ben hit 30 years old he was washed up and weighed 400 lbs. He started hanging out at his favorite BBQ joint on a very regular basis. One day the owner of the business said, "Ben you here alla time!" "You ought just buy my place, that way you can eat all you want and make a livin'!" Ben took over the business and for awhile he did real well. But after about four years the numbers started falling. His book keeper was puzzled and showed him the balance sheets. "Ben, according to this inventory sheet we are losing about a ton of meat a year, that's over 5 lbs. a day!" "I think that meat company's rippin' you off!" she scowled. But only Ben knew the truth about the missing meat. Now age 40 and 500 lbs, he happened to see a contest on T.V. that he knew he could win, hot dog eating. So he took his meager savings and flew to the Nathan's World Championships. He paid the entry fees and lined up with the others. The gun fired and they were off. Ben tucked into a mountain o' dogs and then another. At 31 down, he mis-swallowed and refunded all his hard work... automatic disqualification! He got owned by an Asian boy who stripped like a boxer and ate like a robot.