Something's just not Kosher.

The Pork industry is really ramping up for the holiday season! As an old friend of mine used to say, Pepperoni never had a face! http://www.herald.ie/opinion/columnists/dan-white/ten-questions-that-must-be-answered-on-the-pig-crisis-1568173.html

FASHION, turn to the left!

I am always amazed by the chance encounters I have at our local cyclocross races. Here are just a few of the people out at Boom Town yesterday. No wonder these darned races are getting so big! I'm thinking I might need to start dressing a little nicer at these events and maybe spruce up my cycling kit a bit too. Hmmm, maybe some tweed would look nice!

Many Questions.

I received several calls yesterday with regards to the preceding story, particularly from some of my Catholic brothers. They were wondering if I may have strayed away and ended up in some kind of Pagan cult. Well, I want to put their hearts at ease and explain some things. I am telling stories I learned from a 92 year old woman who I knew when I was 10 years old. That was in 1966. She was an Inuit Eskimo who married a British navel officer when she was 16 years old. He brought her to San Fransisco where she lived out the rest of her life. She died in 1972 at the age of 98. She was my Great-Grandmother.

Thursday Theology

Gluskab and Malsumis
Tabaldak, the creator god, made humans and then Gluskab (several variants of whom were associated with different branches of the Abenaki, including Glooscap, Glooskap, Gluskabe Klooskomba) and Malsumis sprang from the dust on his hand. Gluskab and Malsumis both had the power to create a good world, but only Gluskab did so. Malsumis still seeks evil to this day.

Gluskab founded the Golden Age of the Earth by rendering the evil spirits of the Ancient Age smaller and safer, as well as teaching humanity how to hunt and fish, build shelter and all of the Abenaki's knowledge of art, invention and science. Gluskab's departure ended the Golden Age, though he is prophesied to return and renew it again.

Me-koom-wee-soo was Gluskab's assistant and wields an ivory bow. He has a fierce temper and gains weight as he gets more angry; eventually, it is said, he sinks into stone. Gluskab and Me-koom-wee-soo had an archery contest once; Me-koom-wee-soo fired an arrow into the top of Mt. Washington, creating a pond, while Gluskab's arrow created a hole in the sky that was then called msatawa (the Evening Star).

Gluskab realized the strain hunters can cause on an ecosystem. He asked a woodchuck spirit for help, and she gave him all the hairs off her belly, woven into a magical sac. This is why woodchucks have bald bellies. Gluskab then went to a mountain, where Tabaldak had placed a huge eagle (P-mol-a) that made bad weather by flapping its wings. After binding it, Gluskab realized some wind was necessary and loosened them slightly. Gluskab saved the world from a frog monster that swallowed all the planet's water. When Gluskab cut open the monster's belly, some animals jumped into the water and became fish. Some modern Wabanaki believe that Gluskab is angry at white people for not obeying his rules.

Riders Ready!

Here is a picture of "Them" getting ready for the up- coming Boomtown cyclocross. Hurts my hamstring just looking at it!

Gittin' all Fixed-Up Proper-like.

I have been trying to get my Hamstring all healed up, all nice and proper-like. Come to find out...this is one of the most complex and debated sport's injuries of all. So, I just keep stretchin' and Granny keeps on a rubbin' it with her homemade liniment. I never had any idea bear fat had so many uses!

A1 #3 - (comic book issue) - comicvine.com

A1 #3 - (comic book issue) - comicvine.com Thanksgiving with the "Fam" was lovely as always! That's me in the breathing apparatus.

Here's a real TURKEY!

Yes, it's been slow at work! Happy Thanksgiving!

Sung to the tune of...

Here's the story, of a boy named Jim Bob, who was having a great day out on his bike. He got out well and kept on movin' a smile from ear to ear. Then the last lap came and things they started locking, and he knew that it was much more than a hunch, then his hamstring popped and down my friends went Jimbo... Those bastards handed me my lunch!

Team Monkey Junk

I had a wonderful time at the cyclocross season opener. I had a good race even with a hamstring injury only an eighth of a mile from the finish line. Luckily for me this man came along and shouldered me and my bike and ran us in to the finish!

The Time Has Come!

It is on Baby! The soup that is. Chicken Tortellini at work today. Remember, when the going gets tough, the tough get cookin'! Upon completion of luncheon service, I will double right back and start 6#'s of pinto beans soaking (I only have one 12 quart pot!)for Sunday's cyclocross. I went out to Enterprise with Noel on Wednesday evening and folks , I've just got to say, I like what I'm seein'! But I'm gonna need more cowbell! It is absolutely gorgeous out there!

All Lefts (Prolly Is Not Probably)

All Lefts (Prolly Is Not Probably) Check this out!

Cyclo-Cross Clinic.

Saturday Morning I attended the Cyclo-Cross Clinic at Enterprise Park.It was so nice to finally meet the Owen's Boys, without their Races faces on! I took my bro David "The Diesel" with me. Bro Timmy "The Smasher" showed up with his bike (which he ended up breaking, again!) Jonz Norine Gave a nice intro talk about the history of the sport and then started with basic techniques. My Tourette's started me into twitchin' pretty hard,(that or the seven bowls of Chai I drank) so I snuck out for a quick lap around the course. When I got back the group was starting in on some barrier work. Finally, Jonz announced that we would all take a lap together and then we would do a bit o' Kangaroo-Kross! What the heck is K.K. you ask? Well, we all broke into two person teams. Then the Captain of the team was given a small stuffed animal. The race was held relay style with the stuffed animal being handed off at the end of each lap. It was a blast and everyone had a lot of fun!

Straight out of a Bond Movie...by Woody Allen

Here is yet another example of the kind of secret nutritional suppliments my boys and I will be using for CX this season. I pity anyone riding behind us!

Roman GU.

Ancient Garum Recipe
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Use fatty fish, for example, sardines, and a well-sealed (pitched) container with a 26-35 quart capacity. Add dried, aromatic herbs possessing a strong flavor, such as dill, coriander, fennel, celery, mint, oregano, and others, making a layer on the bottom of the container; then put down a layer of fish (if small, leave them whole, if large, use pieces) and over this, add a layer of salt two fingers high. Repeat these layers until the container is filled. Let it rest for seven days in the sun. Then mix the sauce daily for 20 days. After that, it becomes a liquid.

- Gargilius Martialis, De medicina et de virtute herbarum, reprinted from A Taste of Ancient Rome

I will be testing and sampling this ancient predecessor of the "Power Gel" at the Cyclo-Cross Series. I have been asked to set up well down wind of the start/finish area. Whatever!

What a Hot Dog!

These days preceding our local Cyclo-Cross season are times of emotional conflict for me. Now everything bicycle, is projected in my mind (see: Magic Theater) in terms of what kind of performance I will be able to muster...Mmm Mustard! And how I will be able to resist eating every tofu-dog in the house...What the F&*@! But seriously, My diet, my training, my bicycles...it's ridiculous! I rode up Rattlesnake to T.O.T.W. yesterday and felt like frickin' Homer Simpson. Thankfully, my descent down the backside to lower springs road felt great (my God, the traction!) By the time I came back in up the Sunset Bridges Trail, I felt like Levy Leep-Hammer! Probably this biggest concern I have can best by explained in the words of my 6'9" single speed buddy. "I don't relish the thought of getting it, HANDED TO ME!" Mmmm...Relish!

Coming Soon, "PAINFEST"

On Wednesday afternoon I climbed aboard my old stationary-bike/wind-trainer and headed out for parts unknown. Thanks to a CD of David Bowie's Greatest Hits, I rocketed off with Major Tom and did not return until I met up with a girl named Blue Jean! My plan is to work on cardio training instead of my usual anaerobic, leg-melting, ego-driven, peer-group-fueled, one-upmanship! That my friends I will save for cyclocross! I was talking to one of our local CX heroes yesterday, I won't name names, suffice it to say that he's about 6'9" and rides a one-speed. We both agree that any significant in-roads to CX fitness, between now and the first race, are fairly unlikely. Besides, how (short of securing a plastic bag over one's head and running a cross country foot race with an old 40 pound beach cruiser bicycle on one's shoulder) can one possibly ever consider oneself "READY" for cyclo cross?! I suppose being 25 years old might help a bit!

It Truly Is!

Where's My Stuff?

Holy Mackarel, Did I push a wrong button?

A ride with SanFranCup.

In a twist of fate tantamount to a monkey sitting down to a typewriter and pecking out the Lord's Prayer on the first try, I, The Filter King, hooked up with the notorious SanFranCup last Sunday, for an epic ride. I am sure that this monumental moment will be thoroughly covered by Velo News but, I just couldn't wait to share this with Ya'll! The only tiny, little mishap was that of a complete bemudding of SFC's right foot. Please note the soiled white stocking! Otherwise Darling, we looked FABULOUS!