Video Friday

I am not sure but, this may be the worst bicycling video of all time. According to this version of the sport of Mt. Bike riding, we need more goats, grab ass, lame punk music, food fights and rollin' and around on the ground. The real scary part is, I see no evidence of drugs or alcohol involved.

An Open Letter To My Fellow Sunday Riders.

I would like to submit an official name and logo for our Sunday morning bicycle group. It is, The Web-Footed Riders Association. Senior members Dave and Jim got caught out by the Ribbon bridge last night while on a casual mid-week ride when the latest of the torrential water-bombings began. I want to thank Dave for keeping the spirits high all the way back as we literally got soaked! I'm not sure that I would have been quite as delighted about our situation had it been only me out there!

What's that grinding sound?

Just finished reading this fascinating book that is chock-fulla tips for wet weather riding. The number one tip I received from it is to take special note of one's brake pads! Apparently decomposed granite and water form a perfect grinding compound and several of the flock of Sunday's wet riders club dissolved their brakes!

My Guitar Hero!

Tommy Emmanuel!

Warning! Electric fungi found!

What started out as a fairly typical Sunday MTB ride from Carpet Mart on Sunday morning @ 9:30 a.m. turned weird after the group rolled through a field of magic mushrooms and we "inadvertently" ended up dosing ourselves. These images dipict a sort of before and after effect that resulted from the 'Shroom fields. After the ride I went home and pretty much just listened to some old Grateful Dead albums.

We are building a religion...Cake.

When I heard the news that my especial amigo was planning a cross country bicycle trip I thought he was nuts! Then, slowly the idea started getting a hold of me like some kind of brain stem parasite. For months now I have lain awake half the night, pondering the logistics and enormity of the project. I've become obsessed with strength reports of 26" vs. 700c wheels. Tests and experiments of my own have lead me to this. I am ready to build! Does anyone have a W.W.II era pop-rivet gun?

Return of the Team Time Trial?

Testing resumed Thursday on the latest in team-time-trial headgear, high in the Sierras. Volunteer amateur cyclists were selected to run along side the Tour of California peleton and see if their draft would cause the helmet's horn-like appendages to get sucked into the wheels. A few minor crashes did occur but no one was seriously injured. Hey, this is the way we establish a data base!

Close but no Cigar!

I've always felt that Tyler Hamilton should have been a world's champion but in the game of pro-racing, everything comes down to a roll of the dice. Yesterday at the Tour of California Tyler went off the front of the pack with a small break away only to be caught only a few kilometers from the finish. Neanderthal Cavendish won the stage. Seems like the "Monster from Manx" just makes his own dice!

Silly Monkey...CX is for Kids!

Well it's Monkey Cross Season again! That magical time of year when we turn our local cyclocross venues over to the apes. Now we get to sit back and watch those knuckleheads go out there, thrash around leaping on and off their silly bicycles. Hopefully a couple of them will land awkwardly on the top tubes of their machines, then scream out in really high voices. I love watching those fools, they're so foolish! Monkeys!

Why don't ducks' feet freeze?

Seven riders of questionable mental status showed up this morning at Carpet Mart 9:30 A.m. to re-enact the Riders on the Storm ride, 1989's New Years Day Eye-Opener with John Stein. That was one cold, wet and sketchy Mo-Fo! The last I saw of Noel, Brook, Dale, and Ozzy Ausboe they were heading for the snow-line out on the Upper Ditch Trail. My ride back was straight into the teeth of the storm with yellow dish gloves stretched over my shoes in an effort to keep my pre-frost bitten feet from turning into frozen blocks of ice! Damn, that was fun!

Getting Properly Pumped!

Well the Entire Team Fuzzball entourage is ready to head down to the Tour d' Kally-Fornia. As you can see we have some mighty big shoes to fill! Now that cyclo cross weather has arrived it's time to hit the road!

Lets move on!

Oh God No! Not This!

Well folks it's worse than anyone could have ever imagined in regard to Brookly's condition. In this most recent photo, he hardly looks anything like the rough and tumble guy we all know and love. Now he looks like he'll "Tumble for Ya" for a mere bag o' Cheetos! And, with a 90 day quarantine pending for the lad with other Jaguar-men, I seriously doubt that Cheetos will be involved in the tumble at all. For now we will have to allow nature to run it course and leave our dear friend to face the many, difficult questions men in this position must.

No No Fool!

So I get a phone call in the middle of the night from the county jail asking that I come on down, they think they've got "our man!" Apparently this guy was out running absolutely amok up and down the Hilltop Drive night club alley. Laughing frighteningly loud and head- butting people indiscriminately, the cops where finally able to corral the chap in a walk-in refrigerator in the Red Lion's Kitchen. Police found the man sobbing, covered in Bleu Cheese dressing and begging for some Buffalo-wings. Just pathetic!

Taking Matters into Our Own Hands

Sheriff Nolly Fijole gathered up a posse Sunday and we eleven deputies went out lookin' fer you-know-who! Well Sir, we didn't see no Jaguars but we was ready! Sheriff Noel rode us boys 'till our horses almost dropped from under us! We really thought deckin' Brookington out in these pants would flush that bastard out! Come on out and get deputized next Sunday when we'll resume the hunt! P.S. The pants were a surprisingly good fit.

Closing in on the real JAGUAR-MAN!

Jaguar Man Captured Near Border!

Well that Bastard that bit Brookington in the ass last Wednesday was apprehended near Cottonwood yesterday. Authorities say that it turned out to just be a migrant farm worker who was "High" on Marijuana. Unfortunately, when we arrived to make a positive identification, we noticed that this Jaguar Man was in his 80's and completely toothless (the teeth you see are made of paper!). We are fairly certain that the Jaguar Man we are looking for is British as we clearly heard him scream out, "I am Jag-U-ar Mahn and I won't be trifled with!"

Attack near Satan's Tunnel!

A short Wednesday night ride with "The Boys" last night resulted in a rare sighting of Jaguar Man... or Cheetah Dude or whatever the Bleep he calls himself. I yelled out "Don't look him in the eyes boys!" but it was too late... He got a hold of Brookson and bit him in the Butt. In the mean while the cops just laughed at us and God only knows what's gonna happen to Brookson!

Stable O' Mystery

There is a local urban myth about the existence of an old barn/stable that occupied the area that Carpet Mart's building now sits on (no modern site itself) and that parts of the old stable where used in the construction of said building. Well friends, after years of preparation we are proud to announce the unveiling of a previously boarded up room in the back of the store to the public. Guided tours will be offered starting around April first. Here is a small sample of the haunting sights to behold here. I am particularly excited about the By-Tor and The Snow Dog display!

Broke Axle Mountain

Well the first installment of the Cross-Country Race Series was held yesterday out at the Swasey Recreation Area. Seven hearty riders braved mild 60's temps as the ride began up the Wintu loop switchbacks. One man in particular, who was wearing something similar to the suit depicted here, took off at a breakfast-tossing pace. Ten minutes into the climb at a space shuttle launch pace, I was left breathing like a pipe organ at full cry. I tried desperately to stay in the top 5 to the all too infrequent rolling sections. Finally we started downhill with me on the front but almost immediately I heard the sound of a thousand charging buffaloes behind me, so I ran a turn wide and four riders blew past me. I decided to wait for my buddy SanFranCup who was out there riding at a nice recreational pace. But no sooner did we hook up when something snapped in his drive train and his rear wheel began shivering in the rear triangle when he pedaled. Using a solid axle, I realized that the only thing holding it together was the axle nuts so we bailed at the Meiners Loop junction and limped back in to the truck. Due to the lack of a solid race director, the main field soon became split and confused and within an hour, the event (at Swasey) was over. See ya'll next Sunday!

Spaceball Sunday!